the appreciation

we’ll brave the storm to come, for it surely looks like rain. it feels like spring got skipped over, which is sad, but i’m all about fall. i’ve been thinking about when i’ll get to strap back into snowshoes and get some real workouts going on. there’s some open space nearby that would be perfect. the space is odd. i can’t find any entry points, but once you whack into it then you find some faint trail that eventually turns into a beaten path, which exits near a baseball field. it appears this place gets hardly any use at all. i’ll take care of that. the place already left its mark on me a few days ago. early morning jog through its small wetlands thrashed my ankles and left me bloody, which i’m all for. give me all you got and i’ll return the favor. in this case i’ll spend some quality time there and give it the respect it deserves. not much open space in this here part. i’m working on a large jogging loop but so far too much of it goes through neighborhoods. due south i hit the water towers and then through a couple blocks of homes. i meet up with a creekside trail which takes me between more homes. i’m dropped into a larger and more heavily used open space, with its own fenced off reservoir. i get as much mileage as i can through the many trails and vehicle tracks, then exit and head about a ½ mile down a ‘burban street and into that first open space mentioned above. i spend time there and then i’m back home. it’s still a work in progress. also it’s a ton easier to just hit the gym in the predawn hours than it is to run dark streets. headlamp…hmm. then again, it’s getting colder out. and wetter. i guess i have the gear to handle all of that. but not for semi-high intense activities like running. my stuff is for meandering. i guess i have my under armour long sleeve. and shorts i have. but i couldn’t do freezing weather. that’ll be when i bust out floatation, assuming global warming doesn’t cancel snow this year.

there they are

open space

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more employee appreciation days have come and gone. i particularly enjoyed free pizza day, the ice cream trucks, battle of the bands during lunch (the johnny cash band killed), and a cute little carnival that i took katie to. her and i then went to the airport for dinner.

LVLT's got talent!

Carnival!

cone-sno

Katie wanted me to do this...I said nope.

more sugar

time to burn some of it off

Rocky Mountain JeffCo Colorado Metropolitan Interlocken Airport

dinner with a view

daddy daughter date

my work’s also got an ongoing volunteer program so i spent a day in longmont at boulder county’s health and human services. they’ve got five or so rooms where parents can hang out and talk with their children who have been removed from their custody due to abuse, neglect, etc. these rooms are so small and have to cater to kids between ages 0 to 18. they all have cameras, audio recording devices, one-way mirrors, multiple tissue boxes, and legos. we wiped down toys, bins, books, shelves, walls, tables, you name it. everything was disinfected top to bottom. we organized toy animals, cars, board games, counted puzzle pieces and memory games, and put together high chairs.

cramped quarters. hard to swallow the emotions taking place in these rooms.

much better



nice job ladies (and gentleman)

 it was a great time and the folks that work there really appreciated it. Level 3 is pretty awesome for offering and organizing something like this. they make it so easy. we have such great leadership. i'll stop gushing about my work. but it’s especially awesome when i get to rub elbows the entire time with our global head of HR. ain’t she sumpn’.

it's my last night in this, my 4th or so shelter. 99% of my personal effects are all transferred over to shelter #5, or so. nature shut off the valve tonight allowing me a final dry shuttling of goods down the road. tomorrow i close the door on this temporary and transitional crap, and tomorrow i can begin to settle in. i’m good with that. i had lots of free pizza today at work, TP happy hour, and crappy fast food dinner, so i should really work out tonight, and in the morning, and every minute after that for a week…but i’m drained. every night i’ve been on the move until very late, and then wake up a little after 5 and i’m back on the move and getting ready for work. and she runs, through her days, with the smile, on her face. and she runs, and she waits. and i wait. the toadies – tyler – one of my all-time fav songs is playing. haven’t heard this in at least 5 years. and i’m tired and want a full night’s sleep for once. it helps to have spent many a night sleeping on the ground outdoors over the past few years. it makes all type of living conditions pretty bearable. i try to find the good in every situation.

it’s a ghost town around here. just one lonely soul wanders about and the chill in the air is back. it’s going to be a cold one. soon enough i’ll be out there once again trying to navigate it alone. and that’s okay. i can push on even if one of my board members is not seated at the table. for a little while at least. it’s quite possible i’ll always be out there without a partner. i guess you can’t have everything. this is something i can accept over time. it’s probably the fairest way about it all. i really don’t want anyone hurt under my watch or by my doing. i keep thinking about the stillness of the winter when i’m out there alone. so quiet and colorless. nothing moves except twinkling sunlight reflecting off each snow grain. i’m miles from my car or anyone. i want to keep going on into the night and let old man winter transform me into a hard frosty statue. i’ve been compared in life to mr. tumnus, so maybe this would be a fitting way to depart the world. something about controlling the how and when is kind of alluring. why wait for a stroke or cancer to take you out? if i’m ready and assuming it’s winter, i just might take fate into my hands and keep walking (snowshoeing). in other words, hyporthermia is probably one of the better ways to die in my opinion.

when disaster strikes…busta rhymes. the intro is what i want as my eulogy.

this cold day today really sucked the life out of me. also socked any motivation to do anything this weekend, except maybe visit the local mexican establishment for happy hour. i’d still have to do some laundry, pack up, and figure out what to even do. i either want to have nothing to do with a 14er or i want to go out tonight and climb every last one starting with quandary. lately i’ll be out there hiking and can’t help but feel like i left something behind. it’s something so important that i’m not sure i can even successfully complete the hike. it’s not my boots or camera. it’s something though, and it pounds and gnaws at me the entire time. it’s distracting and messes with my head. in the end i finish the hike just fine, but it’s all without a spark i once felt. feels lately that i’m just checking items off a list. it’s incomplete out there. i keep walking and turn to my memories and i turn to the future. then the present slaps me in the face to try and wake my ass up. that hurt. maybe with some luck and if the stars align again, my walking will take me exactly where i long to be. if ever..

the end

the path less traveled

after a whirlwind of a weekend, although now that i think about it, it wasn’t that eventful, here i stand on a monday’s eve. a tenmile range ridge run was in order, but promptly rescinded by the offering party. “how rude”, little stephanie tanner would say. instead, this occasional partner decided to make a solo and failed attempt. let us rewind. janet’s cabin required a resupply of provisions and i had signed up for the adventure. it’s located in the middle of nowhere and is part of some (ski/snowshoe) hut system spread across the backcountry. i’m not usually keen on backbreaking labor under the sun, however another participant of this 2-night excursion convinced me otherwise. well that of course fell through due to some faulty heli parts. really? i think there may be a saboteur amongst us. it’s currently postponed until lord knows when. so that freed up the weekend for tenmile, which became a snub, which then freed the weekend for nearly anything my heart desired. 14ers it would be.

i planned to climb the castle/conundrum combo this summer. then a hiking partner was obtained and it was soon decided that the conundrum hot springs should be incorporated into my original plans. however, plans changed and i took the window of opportunity in weather and freedom and decided to just take care of business. and why not squeeze in as much as possible? i wasn’t planning on shav/tab until next year as a way to even out the difficulty levels during this goal of mine, but what the hell? might as well take care of four birds with one stone. friday night i was up until midnight planning the four, then i was up at 3 a.m. to make the TH near poncha springs by daylight. i must say, i’m such a great planner. shav/tab TH, trail, mountain 1, mountain 2, mountain 1, TH, aspen, castle ck TH, spot to camp, wake at dawn, mountain 3, mountain 4, meet eric and caitlin, screen down, break camp, TH, aspen, el mirador margarita, dos chips y salsas, smothered beef burrito, cheese enchilada, dos pacificos, and manning taking care of roethlisberger, all within the exact hour i estimated from friday night. beautiful.

Mt. Shavano 14,229'

Tabeguache Peak 14,155'

view from car camping along castle creek

dinner

not too shabby indeed

trying to watch tron on my laptop. pretty lame and luckily the movie didn't work.
resorted to pen and paper instead

Castle Peak 14,265'

Conundrum Peak 14,060'

i’ve now climbed 37 14ers and i hope for more to come this year. hoping the season can push into october. as for the hot springs, it’s still there.

but I digress. here i stand shuffling boxes out and down, and out and in, and out and in, and up and in. it’s okay though. i have board members and each is being attended to. being fed. from the outside, it wouldn't appear this soul is healthy, but i can say with confidence that i'm good, really good. broke, but good.

today at work was so great. this week they are celebrating the achievements of all employees across the globe, and i guess i’m buying into it. the morning started off with delicious, free sugary (not sugary-free) breakfast treats. these are all things i love very much. in the free sugar line was an out-of-town exec and he asked if we were going to sit and eat. he sat and we chatted about SCUBA (my lack of) and work stuff in progress. he seemed interested and even remembered my name during our convo. later in the morning during our global all-hands meeting (10k employees), he mentioned me and my boss by name as an example of how we are creating greater network efficiencies (i.e. $$ savings) and projecting a bajillion dollars this year of reoccurring savings. my face went some shade of LVLT red. keep in mind, i’m the only e-propa at the co. i got a fair amount of, shall we say, attention, after the meeting was over by my peers.

these guys are worth millions and millions, and i had a doughnut with one of them!
awesome leaders, they are.

then it was back to sugary delights in the cafeteria. all told, i consumed 5 cookies, 1 blueberry muffin, a blueberry doughnut, no lunch, happy hour w/ chips y queso, and no dinner thus far. and what do you know, I found another bajillion dollars today that we can save. at least, i’m about 85% it can happen. good day. back to boxes. and imaginary friends. hey, calling all imaginary friends…..

how exciting to hear that my uncle paul would be in (near) town on holiday from texass with his girlfriend janet. i was so happy to be able to introduce them to little katie. i don’t remember much of uncle paul. i remember palm springs and just his image. and him i guess. i do remember him as a person, but no real events that i can access from the faulty memory banks. he’s my surviving uncle and i’ve missed him greatly. he and janet and katie hit it off nicely. i’m sure they thought highly of her and she really liked them i know. although she thought uncle paul was being bad when a fox came out of the bushes and he started feeding it his leftover sausage pizza. he had katie throw some pizza and i could tell she wasn't into it. eventually she began to sternly tell him to stop. i don’t think he heard. the fox sure loved it. best pieces of pizza all day i’m sure. her and i talked all about the lessons to be learned from such an event.

closest i've been to a fox. it was practically eating out of our hands.

i had been up the night before to visit them both at their posh breck suite overlooking the CD and breck. not too shabby and i would have like to of stayed a night.

NE view of the CD from their room



pretty dope

 

it was really good seeing him. katie and i had a blast taking in breck and the creek. and the candy stores!! vanilla/milk chocolate fudge and cream cheese frosted sugar cookies with sprinkles and m&m white chocolate bark and caramels and raspberry caramels and on and on. it was a sugar junkies ball and we were king and queen for a day. the “hike” along the creek was a blast. i feel 5 years old again when i’m with her. go figure. jumping from boulder to boulder and dipping feet into the slimy creek moss was pretty awesome. i wish her and i could hike every day after school. she wants to go back to breck and i can’t wait to take her.

my darlin'

summit county has a lot to offer, although boulder county is just next door. in the end, i was so happy we could bring a few chambers together. and darnit it all to hell, i don’t think we even got a picture of the 3 of us together. pathetic ethan. well hopefully a reunion will happen in the near future. are you reading this kristy? let’s take care of it together. let’s just make sure it’s NOT in texass.

but I digress..boxes, and more, boxes. this isn’t easy by any standard. i’m constantly thinking about katie and weston. weston in particular. no, both the same. chapter one is so hard on them and frankly, i don’t even know because i’m not there. things will settle and become better. if things aren’t good then adjustments will be made. it’s not that simple of course but that’s the approach i’ll take. later chapters for them will be tough but no worse than my own at that age. it’s hard. each of us is being affected by this madness in uniquely painful ways. this is all on my mind, all of the time. very stressful days these are, but somehow i’m able to manage it where any outward expression or release of the stress is minimal to non-existant. bottling it up? i don’t think so. lacking the emotion outright? no. it’s not apathy. impossible as it seems, i do care and feel. the path isn't always easy one but i'm confident it's the right path. this allows me to sleep at night. not everyone will sleep at night and not everyone will understand, but we are on a path together and it truly is the best path.